ink stains, blank pages
by findmywaybacktoyou
Summary: A series of unconnected drabbles in response to prompts left on the LJ TVD Free-For-All Comment Ficathon. Spoilers for all episodes. Prompt: "trapped. claustrophobic. suffocating."
1. ghosts

**Title:** ghosts of girlfriends past  
><strong>Character(s):<strong> Jeremy/Tyler, Vicki, Anna  
><strong>Warning(s):<strong> Slash pairing.  
><strong>Note(s):<strong> Drabble in response to the TVD Free-For-All Comment Ficathon.  
><strong>Prompt:<strong> _'ghost!Vicki won't stop haunting him.' [Jeremy/Tyler]_

* * *

><p>The first time Jeremy sees Tyler after, well, <em>dying<em> and coming back and coming back like _that_, he's aware of Vicki and Anna at the fringes. He doesn't turn to acknowledge them, tries so hard to push them away from his sight so he can focus on whatever the hell Tyler is to him now, and focus on putting him back together because Tyler is tired and broken in front of him.

He is successful in ignoring Anna and Vicki because they're silent, silently observing as he has become aware they've been doing since they died. It's weird knowing that his ex-girlfriends, his _dead _ex-girlfriends at that, know his secrets, know that Tyler has become an integral part of his life.

But he can't take Tyler into his arms like he wants. He can't run his hands through his hair and comfort him because he's aware, so aware, that Vicki is watching. Vicki, who he and Tyler fought over for so long _(and isn't that a thought)_. Vicki, who loved the both of them, and whose death had brought them together. Vicki, who he could see and hear and who was eying them both with a speculative gleam in her eyes.

It is only when Tyler makes to get up, emotions flickering across his face, the face that Jeremy has learnt how to read easily, that the younger boy realizes he might lose Tyler like he lost Anna and Vicki only, this would be worse because this would be his fault. The ghosts of his past may be haunting him, _literally_, but if he lets Tyler walk away from him now, he'll lose the only semblance of a future he has made for himself.

He grabs the werewolf's hand and tugs him back down, apologizing for his inattention. He doesn't know how to tell him about Anna and Vicki without sounding crazy, though he supposes sounding crazy would be hard what with their lives and all, but still, this _thing _between him and Tyler is undefined and unknown and Tyler could choose to leave, or to hate him for being able to see the girl that was both of their first loves while Tyler is left with nothing.

He ends up babbling a short explanation that thankfully, Tyler gets. The quick glance and twist of his nose that Tyler makes before settling his eyes back on Jeremy has his breath catching in his throat. There's a playfulness in Tyler's gaze, and a heatedness and possessiveness there. Jeremy wonders if Tyler even knows that he's looking at him like he wants to devour him whole and _claim _him.

When the other boy leans across, his lips inches from Jeremy's, warm breath on his face and says, _'Let's put on a show then.'_ Jeremy knows that Tyler is in this for the long haul, and no amount of haunting by anyone will be able to tear him from the werewolf.

He doesn't mind, that's for sure.

He's not entirely sure Vicki _(and Anna) _mind either.


	2. free

**Title:** the truth doesn't always set you free  
><strong>Character(s):<strong> Matt  
><strong>Warning(s):<strong> very pro-Matt.  
><strong>Prompt:<strong> '_you can't escape the sickness' [Matt]_

* * *

><p>It's always there, hovering over your head, now that you know. Now that you know the truth of the town you've grown up in, the secrets the Founding Families have kept, the lies your friends have told you. The actions of the people around you are no longer taken at face value. You can't help but wonder if they are who they say they are, if they <em>know<em> what this town holds.

You don't hate your friends for lying to you. You understand now, now that you've seen things firsthand. They were trying to protect you. They care about you, they want you safe. So now, they respect your wishes. You wish this didn't mean that they stayed away from you.

Sometimes you catch Caroline looking at you. You know this because you're always looking out for her too. You love her, this will not change whether she's human, or a vampire, or anything else. She's Caroline, your Caroline. But you stay away from her because you know her better than anything and you know if you join their ragtag bunch of protectors – and you hate that your friends are doing more to protect this town than the so-called Council, because they're so integrated in the supernatural world – Caroline will be too busy worrying about you because you're not physically stronger like the vampires or Tyler, and not mystically-inclined like Bonnie and now Jeremy (and you only found that out because Jeremy approached you with a message from Vicki that had you unashamedly crying in front of him), and not practiced like Mr. Saltzman. And Caroline, or anyone else, could get hurt because of you and you wouldn't be able to live with that.

So you tell them that you want nothing to do with the supernatural. You tell them that life is hard as it is with an absentee mother, and a dead sister, and school and bills to pay and you can't deal with evil vampires and witches and the end of the world on top of that.

That doesn't mean you hide from it. You're aware now, and you take precautions to protect yourself. You practice with the rifle, you sneak a few stakes away from Mr. Saltzman's desk at school, you start adding vervain to your daily meals. And you keep track of everyone that comes into the Grill, of their moves and the conversations you overhear. You keep track of anything that seems to be a threat to your town, to your _friends_.

Just because you say you won't actively help them doesn't mean you'll abandon them. You'll do what you can to help. Even if you won't let them know.


	3. haunted

**Title:** the many hauntings of Jeremy Gilbert  
><strong>Character(s):<strong> Jeremy, Vicki, Anna, Matt, mention of others  
><strong>Warning(s):<strong> mentions character deaths, speculations for season three.  
><strong>Note(s):<strong> spoilers up till season two finale.  
><strong>Prompt:<strong> '_Vicki and Anna aren't the only ones who came back.' [Jeremy]_

* * *

><p>Jeremy gets used to being shadowed by Anna and Vicki. He gets used to them tailing him, their presence is not something he can ignore. How many people can say that they are being <em>haunted<em> by their exes?

He doesn't tell anyone. Everyone has got enough on their plates – Stefan is still missing and he knows Elena is pulling all the stops trying to track him down. He knows that Bonnie is looking for a way to kill Klaus, even going back to the spirits of the witches. Ric is still dealing with the loss of Jenna and trying so hard to step up and be a parent to him and Elena.

It is when he walks into the Grill, hyper-aware of his ghostly stalkers and sees _her_ sitting next to Alaric that he realizes that it's not just Anna and Vicki who are back. He stops in his tracks and just stares.

_"We tried to tell you,"_ Anna and Vicki chorus softly. The haunting echo to their voices mock his memories of how they used to sound. He swallows. It is easier to deal with the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends, he has had time to get over their deaths. But to deal with _her_, so soon after losing her – Jeremy heads to a table far away from the sight.

It is Matt who settles himself across from him. Jeremy starts, because Caroline had said that Matt wants nothing to do with the supernatural. Still, it is undoubtedly Matt across from him, he doesn't need Vicki's sad sigh of _"Matty"_ to know that. Matt manages to drag the story out of him – while he does get visibly shaken at the mention of his sister, he lets Jeremy talk before saying anything.

_"You need to face it Jer,"_ he says finally. _"It's the only way."_ He places one comforting hand on Jeremy's shoulder for a brief moment when he gets called back to work. A squeeze and quick murmur of being there if he needs to talk and the blonde heads back to the bar.

Jeremy settles back in his chair and closes his eyes. He can sense Anna and Vicki moving further away from him _(something that still freaks him out though he's had time to get used to it)_. He is not surprised to find _her_ sitting opposite him when he opens his eyes.

_"Jeremy."_


	4. lost

**Title:** Don't Regret This Life [1/3]  
><strong>Character(s):<strong> Stefan/Elena, Klaus  
><strong>Warning(s):<strong> angst ahead.  
><strong>Prompt:<strong> _'home is a feeling I buried in you.' [Stefan/Elena]_

* * *

><p>Klaus leaves him alone more than he expects. He believes it's because he is so lost in the haze of the blood and the rush that Klaus knows he won't run. That, and Stefan knows that if he even makes an attempt to get away from Klaus, everything he left behind would be ruined. Klaus would destroy it all, and Stefan cannot let that happen.<p>

In the moments when he is alone during the day, he struggles to get himself under control, to keep from attacking innocent people. He knows for a fact that Klaus does not keep an eye on him on all times, and so he times it very carefully.

The more they travel, the more fascinated he becomes with postcards. The trail of compelled shopkeepers, _that Klaus does not know of,_ he leaves behind grows longer as time goes by.

The only rest he gets, from Klaus, from their victims, from the destruction they leave behind, _from his demons,_ is at night once Klaus has retired. It is then that he closes his eyes, inhales deeply, and is with Elena. He knows it's not real, but his imagination is strong. If he concentrates hard enough, he can almost feel her heart thrumming where she rests against his chest. He can almost bury his face in her hair.

It is then that he is almost, _but not really,_ home.


	5. faith

**Title:** Don't Regret This Life [2/3]  
><strong>Character(s):<strong> Elena/Stefan, Jeremy, Bonnie, Caroline  
><strong>Warning(s):<strong> angst ahead.  
><strong>Prompt:<strong> _'home is a feeling I buried in you.' [Stefan/Elena]_

* * *

><p>The first postcard arrives almost a month after Stefan has left. The scrawled address is in an unfamiliar handwriting and the page is blank. The back shows some kitschy tourist trap she has never heard of.<p>

She knows immediately it is from Stefan. The relief she feels is palpable. She has to hold on to the wall to keep from collapsing. Stefan is alive. Stefan is safe _- or at least, safe enough to send her a message_.

The postcards keep arriving, but they don't follow a schedule. Sometimes weeks pass before one arrives, sometimes barely a day. Elena keeps them all carefully in a box under her bed. She takes them out in the middle of the night sometimes to remind herself that Stefan's alive, that he knows she's with him.

She never mentions them to anyone, but Jeremy knows. He walks into her room one day without knocking and sees the box in her hand. He says nothing, but it is understood. There is only one reason she'd keep a collection of blank postcards. Her little brother simply kisses her on the head and squeezes her shoulder before walking back out of the room.

Elena's also pretty certain Caroline and Bonnie have a clue that somehow, Stefan is contacting her. They never say anything, but it's there in their eyes, and in the hugs she gets on the days after she receives a postcard.

But she never **says** anything to anyone. She simply packs each postcard away, and continues to look for Stefan.

_She cries for Stefan every night when she takes the cards out because she can only imagine the horrors he's facing, that he has to commit, in Klaus' company. The cards give her the faith that he knows where home is, and that they will be together soon._


	6. home

**Title:** Don't Regret This Life [3/3]  
><strong>Character(s):<strong> Elena/Stefan, Damon, Elijah  
><strong>Warning(s):<strong> angst ahead.  
><strong>Prompt:<strong> _'home is a feeling I buried in you.' [Stefan/Elena]_

* * *

><p>Damon's lead comes out of nowhere. For awhile, the group harbors a suspicion that it could be a trap, but decide they don't care. After all, it's <em>Stefan<em>.

When they reach their destination, it is in ruins. Elena panics, wondering where her Stefan is in all of this. She is out of the car before it has completely stopped and runs directly towards the broken door.

The destruction is massive, but Elena does not care how or why it has happened. She vaguely hears Damon confront Elijah, but all her attention is on the figure leaning against the wall. He is kneeling, and his head is bowed. His shirt is torn and she can see blood caked against his body. She aches for him, and frets when she notices that his injuries aren't healing as fast as they should.

She takes a few steps forward, and only halts when Stefan finally looks up. His eyes are bleak and haunted. She drops to her knees before him, and waits for him to make the first move.

From the inside of his tattered shirt, Stefan pulls a card. It's another tourist destination she has never heard of, but unlike the others, this has a message. It's written in what Elena first thinks is red ink, but realizes with a start is actually Stefan's blood. The message is simple, and Elena's response is to gather Stefan in her arms.

_'Can I come home?'_

She rocks her boyfriend slowly, murmuring words of comfort as he breaks down. She can feel his tears soaking her shirt, against the skin of her neck. Her own tears fall silently down her cheeks and into his hair as she whispers the words they both need to hear.

_"You're home now."_


	7. protect

**Title:** Protector  
><strong>Character(s):<strong> Bonnie; mentions of Caroline, Elena, Jeremy, Damon, Matt**  
><strong>**Prompt:** _'she will **never** stop protecting the innocent, no matter what it costs.' [Bonnie Bennett]_

* * *

><p>It's three days later as she is casting locator spell after locator spell in an attempt to get some trace on Stefan that it hits her – she had an active hand in the death of John Gilbert.<p>

She spends almost an hour on the floor by the toilet, retching. The tears and vomit don't stop as she tries to comprehend just what she has become. It's the first death she has caused **directly**, and even if John had asked her to do the spell, she cannot quite get over the fact that she _killed_ him.

_And she helped, or didn't, she supposes, with Mr. Tanner, and Vicki, and Gram, and Mayor Lockwood, and Caroline, and Mason Lockwood, and Aimee, and Jules, and her pack, and Jenna, and Jeremy, and who knows how many more she could have prevented but wasn't strong enough to._

She doesn't get any sleep that night, poring over the Grimoire to find a spell, or potion, or anything to help in locating Stefan, and practicing smaller spells. Caroline looks at her funny the next morning, she guesses because of the faint odor she probably can smell, but writes off the paleness of her skin and bloodshot eyes as simple exhaustion since they've all been pushing themselves to the limit in an effort to find Klaus and bring Stefan home.

They spend most of their time not in school _(they _**_are_**_ still minors)_ at the Salvatore's mansion. Elena is living, breathing her mission. Jeremy is distant, something is going on there that he's not telling anyone. Damon's in and out of town, contacting all the contacts he and Stefan have made in the past century for any word on his brother. No one notices that Bonnie pushes herself extra hard, barely sleeping or eating. Any time she's not working on looking for Klaus and Stefan she spends honing her craft.

It is instinctive for Bonnie to use her powers to quell the flames that engulf the elementary school bus she passes on the way home. She stops her car as she focuses on controlling the fire so that the children can get out safely. The fire truck is not there yet, and Bonnie is all the help there is. It's hard work, but she feels relief as she sees the children huddled at one side.

When she finds out later that one child is dead, she spends half an hour alternating between crying and being sick into her wastebasket. Despite all her practice, she still failed.

She is buckling under the strain and stress, and _guilt_ of it all. She knows sometimes deaths are unavoidable, and even necessary for the safety of the many, but that doesn't make it any easier. She begins to cut down on sleep to practice her magic in the woods where no one can see her.

The sound of a shot being fired and then twigs and leaves crunching under heavy footsteps startles her, and her grip on the wind she is brewing falters. Everything blows haywire around her. She is tense as through her hair and the swaying branches she sees a figure approaching.

The face is a familiar one, and in those blue eyes she sees something she recognizes. In Matt's hands is a hunter's rifle, and she knows he has not simply been hunting deer.

They split ways without exchanging words, but there is an understanding that passes between the two of them.

They must protect the town. They must protect those that know nothing of the supernatural. And Bonnie knows that no matter the cost, no matter how much she might feel she is sinking and becoming someone hard and cold and losing the innocence of the girl she once was, she will protect this town.

_She would do **anything** to keep her town safe._


	8. break

**Title:** BREAK, shatter, reforge [1/3]  
><strong>Character(s):<strong> Bonnie, Caroline, Elena  
><strong>Warning(s):<strong> angst ahead.  
><strong>Prompt:<strong> _"Nothing is so strong as gentleness and nothing is so gentle as real strength." [Bonnie&Caroline&Elena]_

* * *

><p>The look in Caroline's eyes had Bonnie's heart aching. She wanted nothing more than to hug her best friend, comfort her, tell her everything would be alright. <em>But how could everything be alright when Caroline's mouth was red with the blood of an innocent man?<em>

* * *

><p>Tears streamed down Caroline's face unchecked. The blood staining her mouth made her gums ache. The smell of it had her wanting to reach out and <em>feed<em> on something, on anything, on _someone_. Elena was within reach and it would be so easy to reach out and drain her. But it was Elena, who wasn't just her best friend but one of her sisters as well and how could she do that. The fact that she was even thinking it scared her. And the look in Bonnie's eyes? That broke her heart. Everything had gone to hell the moment she had woken up in the hospital, she had known that instinctively but she had let herself hope different. _She was a monster now, and no one could ever love her._

* * *

><p>Elena didn't know which of her friends to stay with. Caroline was so obviously broken and disgusted and <em>scared<em> of what she had done, what she had become. But Bonnie, Bonnie was upset and she knew just how volatile and unpredictable Bonnie could be when she was angry. She stood between them, wanting to help, but not knowing how. _Where could they go from here?_


	9. shatter

**Title:** break, SHATTER, reforge [2/3]  
><strong>Character(s):<strong> Bonnie, Caroline, Elena  
><strong>Warning(s):<strong> angst ahead.  
><strong>Prompt:<strong> _"Nothing is so strong as gentleness and nothing is so gentle as real strength." [Bonnie&Caroline&Elena]_

* * *

><p>Bonnie paused, her eyes seeking out the familiar head of blonde hair. Caroline's eyes flashed to hers as though <em>sensing<em> her looking. Or maybe smelling her, Bonnie realized with a start. The hopeful look in Caroline's eyes was dashed when Bonnie minutely shook her head and turned on her heel and walked away. _How could things ever go back to how they used to be when it hurt to be around her best friend?_

* * *

><p>Caroline's eyes filled with tears as she watched Bonnie walk away. She knew that Bonnie was as upset as her, knew that Bonnie hurt to do this, but also knew that Bonnie was scared. Scared of what Caroline had become, what Bonnie had caused. The other girl's guilt was palpable to both her best friends. And Elena was torn between the two. But it would get better, it had to get better. <em>How much worse could it get?<em>

* * *

><p>Elena was standing at the door, poised to enter, when she saw the exchange between Bonnie and Caroline. Her heart clenched and she closed her eyes in pain. Their sisterhood was faltering. And there was nothing she could do. She had to be there for them, she would be there for them, but it was hard. <em>What would it take to fix this?<em>


	10. reforge

**Title:** break, shatter, REFORGE [3/3]  
><strong>Character(s):<strong> Bonnie, Caroline, Elena  
><strong>Warning(s):<strong> angst ahead.  
>Note(s): set immediately after the events of 2x13, 'Daddy Issues'.<br>**Prompt:** _"Nothing is so strong as gentleness and nothing is so gentle as real strength." [Bonnie&Caroline&Elena]_

* * *

><p>The hug was tight, and Elena was more than certain that Caroline was unconsciously using her vampire strength, but she said nothing. And neither did Bonnie. In fact, Bonnie pulled the other two closer, not saying anything when Caroline buried her face into her neck. Caroline had been hurt, that was all that mattered. Caroline <strong>needed<strong> them, and Bonnie, and Elena, they would never turn their sister away. No matter what. The two brunettes kept up the litany of murmurs they were making as Caroline shuddered with sobs.

_**"It's okay, it's all going to be okay now. We're here. We're always here."**_


	11. drowning

**Title:** the water pulls me under  
><strong>Character(s):<strong> Matt  
><strong>Warning(s):<strong> angst ahead. spoilers for the first few episodes of season three.  
><strong>Note(s):<strong> I asked a friend to give me prompts because I hadn't written in awhile. This is in response to one of them.  
><strong>Prompt:<strong> _'trapped. claustrophobic. suffocating.'_

* * *

><p>Matt was drowning. Not literally, no, not this time. But he was drowning, and there was no one around to notice, no one to throw him a rope, save him. No Bonnie to jump in after him and pull him out, and berate him, no Tyler to pound him on the back and drink him under the table until they both passed out, no Vicki to give him a hug, and no Caroline to offer him one of her brilliant smiles that made everything better.<p>

There was no one. Just Matt, and the emptiness of his life.

He was on the outside looking in on the group of people that used to be his friends. He knew everything, but he wasn't apart of them. He saw everything, but he could offer nothing to help.

And yet he couldn't leave. Not when his being there could change anything, not when there was even the slightest possibility of him being a help.

So he was stuck in this town where he was alone.

His house was empty. God only knew where his mother was, his father had never been around to begin with, and now Vicki was gone too, gone for good this time. Empty house, silent – the silence was oppressive.

So he took more shifts at work, spent nights at the gym in the school working out, or in the woods practicing his aim. Being home alone, in the empty house, with all the unused rooms, and the dark and the silence had him feeling like the walls were closing in.

He would wake up, the few nights he actually fell asleep, out of breath, catching his breath and seeing only shadows. He couldn't drag himself out of bed to get a glass of water, only gasp for air, his breaths unnaturally loud, echoing in and about the room.

Matt was drowning. Not literally, no, not this time. But he was drowning, and he hoped to God someone would notice, and someone would save him.


End file.
